Uncertainty

Some people feed on uncertainty like a drug. The challenge and unexpected nature of life drives them on to greater and greater achievements. I am not one of those people. The veiled threat that is insecurity leaves me quaking. What if? A question with a thousand thousand endings, that never pan out the way they are envisioned.
While some live the metaphor of life as the biggest and tallest roller coaster imaginable, I prefer the sedate Model T ride, or perhaps the water ride with the big refreshing splash at the end.

Cooling Night

Went for a drive
In the cooling night
The moon followed
As if alive

Dew and mist
Refreshing fell
Bright moonlight
My skin was kissed

The bright onslaught
Shadows recede
Revealing much
The night has taught

Til last moon is wane
Lunar power fading
Sun advances in the east
To precursor the dawn

The Apple

Saw it there glistening
Ripe and out of reach
An apple I had to have
Not an orange or a peach

I tried to climb the branch
I shimmied up the trunk
The apple sat there waiting
Me in a dismal funk

I had to have that apple
So shiny, new and red
I'd grip the bark for purchase
Until my fingers bled

Just then I had a glimmer
That soon sparked a full-fledged thought
The ladder in the basement
Was the tool that I had sought

I soon had it in position
And was halfway up the tree
Til the object of my craving
Was right in front of me

I strained and plucked the apple
But my toil was all for not
For the backside of my apple
Was full of worms and rot

An encounter

I met a woman yesterday on the phone. She loved me at first. Sweet and kind words flowed as she attempted to get the things she wanted. Her trip became rocky as it became apparent that I was not willing to meet her demands...gradually she became abusive and sarcastic as she realized I simply could not do what she wanted me to do.
Her attitude and verbiage affected me, I was bothered by it. As time went on I was able to see the humor of her desperation and simply let it go. She has the problem, not I. People are just nicer when they get their way and some lash out when they don't.

The Void

It looks toward me expectantly
I hover on the cusp
The magnetic pull always strong
Any deviation from the path
Merely a sideshow

Inevitable and inescapable
Meaning of our dalliances
Lost forever to the void
Just a beginning
Middle
The mysterious end

A beginning
Or a rest
A final chapter
A winking
Nothing at all

Into The Wilderness

A forced march
Anxious and uncomfortable
Lovely and frightening scene
Calming and alien
Sounds enormous treachery

A trek through
Unspeakable green things
Grown thick, inscrutable
No answers forthcoming
Only more questions

Deeper ever deeper

The Summer Of My Discontent (1)

Things are not as I wish them to be...so many changes in such a short period of time is extremely unsettling. My biggest concern at this point is security for myself and my loved ones in the future. If I honestly examine things I must come to the conclusion that I am actually alright, for now...what else is there really?

Hell Is Full

of reasons and excuses
unrealized hopes and dreams
unspoken disappointments
hidden secrets screamed

the grating voice of failure
frustration's cloying scent
incessant voice of hindsight
a psyche softly bent

shadow memories glowing
with the heat of your regret
shame and cold self-loathing
absence of all respect

sweet candied good intentions
that has drawn too many flies
self-truths so clearly evident
that they must be monstrous lies

hypocrisy carved in marble
sins never ending cost
captives perpetually tortured
their souls eternally lost

An old poem but the right shade of dark to fit my mood at the moment...

Barriers, real and imagined

My level of anarchy and disorder only appears when I am comfortably within my cage. I am able to make comments or present actions for pure shock value when a level of security exists for the frightened child within. This may be why I appear very conventional and staid at this point. Comfort and routine have been replaced with chaos and uncertainty. I don't have the luxury to be weird, or myself, for that matter.

Sometimes I think the outward exhibit of mental illness is simply a person's inner-being finally rebelling against all the artificial constraints and barriers placed before us. Their will to be weird finally wins out...until it goes so far that society decides they are a threat to themselves or others...then even more concrete barriers are erected.

faces

Not reality, just the image we want to put forth, most are terrified to allow others behind the mask, reality makes us too vulnerable, easier to hide behind pretensions and false premises, of course in the end, all that is washed away in the final reality. Morrison said it right, "The future's uncertain and the end is always near"

Changes and Observations

Lost my job this week...partly my fault, partly my boss looking for an excuse to make a change. Lots of stress and worry over financial matters. Did meet some interesting people in Cleveland who I found it necessary to write about...

The Show

tousle-haired Apollonian beauty, hippie version,naked toes and a sunny disposition, equaled by a dark young cherub, hippie version, larconically watching the world pass by.

a sidewalk sitting room, speaking and spitting toward passerby, unblemished and sacred, in filthy road clothes and grime.

singing joyously, tone deaf and LOUD, leaning down a deserted metal canyon, she stops to inquire to our health, nodding serenely she continues her midnight serenade.

Menaced by a dwarf with an impossibly deep voice, dark as night and sticky, he assured he was no threat, which increased our fear, he stumbled away after a bit of panhandling.

Humanity in and of itself.